I: Grief
by Shimegami-chan
Summary: [I] A boy in his final moments begs for forgiveness from the ones he loved, but never told. Sometimes, even Hope is a difficult burden to bear.


Digimon's not mine. I've built the bridge.  
  
*bursts into tears*   
  
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Shi-chan: Another fic following the style of [Insanity][1] and [Clarity.][2] The POV shouldn't hard to guess...  
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Grief  
By Shimegami-chan  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: AU. This is a follow-up to [Insanity][1] and [Clarity,][2] but you don't need to read them first. However, if you like this story and you _want_ to go back and read them, I'm not stoppping you...   
  
_**Important Note!**_  
  
_Don't worry, it won't be here much longer..._   
  
Meet my shameless plugs.  
  
I really wish ff.net would sort the new chapters and the new stories together on the same page. But since that's not going to happen, here's a convienient link to my two serials: ['In Your Shoes,'][3] a Kenyako, chapter 4 updated on May 30, and ['Sadness-Colored Sandglass,'][4] a Kensuke, chapter 12 updated on May 26. I know, I'm leaving people hanging, I meant to write a new chapter of both tonight, but...tomorrow, tomorrow. Thanks minna-san! On with the fic!   
  
  
  
  
  
I am the Angel of Hope.   
  
Or so she says.   
  
  
I am a child trapped in a man's body.   
  
I am a bird trapped in a cage.   
  
I am starving man without without shelter from his own conscience.   
  
I never meant to make you cry. Maybe I never considered my own worth until I wasn't worth anything at all, and I can't take back that decision now no matter how much I want to.   
  
I'm watching over you always, Hikari.   
  
I never told you I loved you. So many decisions that I regret, and every one of them revealed to me in painful clarity now that it's too late. I suppose you would feel the same way.   
  
How can I tell you how much I care, Hikari?   
  
Daisuke. Who'd have thought I had such an impact on your life? We had a silent pact, you and I--walking on the edge of friendship, yet balancing as though on the edge of a knife. I came to trust you and call you a friend, even when you were so interested in Hikari--I gave you the benefit of the doubt, and that was what I thought was the right thing to do. You gave up on her eventually, and I was glad, although a little saddened that you had lost something so important in your life. You never so much looked at another girl, and that took willpower. It wasn't because you stopped loving her, I'm sure--because you recognized what she saw in me.   
  
I don't know what she saw in me, Daisuke, truthfully--I never wanted to hurt you, or her, or anyone else. But we hurt ourselves in a way I thought we could never repair. Yet thanks to you we did.  
  
How, Daisuke?   
  
I wanted to be your friend.   
  
Even if you and I never came to terms with each other, your friendship is something I treasure greatly. I'm sorry it had to be this way.   
  
Be strong, Daisuke.  
  
I need all of you to stay strong. Yamato. Miyako. Iori. Hikari. Daisuke. Patamon. Even you, Ken, who I'm still watching over.   
  
This madness that has come over you isn't unstoppable. Can something so trivial truly break you? If I were there, I would hold your hand and comfort you. But I never did, and I never will. All I saw since you fell sick were hospitals and chemo, and my very lifeblood draining away. I hope someone told you that I cared, Ken. I think you knew that something was wrong.   
  
At the funeral, you cried.   
  
Was that really the work of this rage inside you called Cruelty?   
  
I can but sit as your bedside and offer my support, those soothing words of the power called Hope. You can get through this.   
  
I beleive in you.   
  
They all cried, except one set of dry eyes that I knew very well. My Oniichan, my Yamato-kun, bottling everything up inside again. Even Taichi shed tears. You were strong for him, your very best friend...who was strong for you, Niichan?   
  
You went home and lay down, and sobbed until you couldn't breathe.   
  
I wish you had called Taichi-sempai.   
  
I wish you had called Koushirou-sempai.   
  
Otousan, even, drinking himself out of his grief in the kitchen. He would greive with you. Why do you want to be alone?   
  
Why do you cry for me, who has done nothing but complicate your lives with my illness? Daisuke, I was too late to tell you that I didn't mean the things I said. Patamon, I left you alone. Forgive me. Yamato, I couldn't comfort you when you needed me.   
  
Hikari...I never told you.   
  
I loved you.   
  
Good-bye.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Shi-chan: Did that or didn't that make sense? o.O;;

   [1]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=285678
   [2]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=307342
   [3]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&StoryID=278819&Chapter=4
   [4]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&StoryID=229476&Chapter=12



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